growing up, i was never the “slut” in school. by the time i was 18, i had only had sex with 1 person. i don’t know what happened after that. it the past year, i had sex with a few more people and didn’t really think anything of it, seeing that i was already sexually active. i was a complete idiot and i thought there’d be no consequences for forgetting to use a condom here and there.

then, about a month ago, i experienced horrifying pains when i peed, huge sores on my vulva, and a horrible odor coming from you know where. i’ve always had really bad yeast infections, so i assumed it was nothing. when i went into the gynecologist, i wasn’t prepared for what she had to say. she told me i had indirectly spread the oral HSV-1 (aka the cold sore on my lip at the time) to my genitals and that it was never going to go away. she also let me know that she found a wart while she was giving me the exam and she’d have to burn it off with acid: i had HPV. 

the worst part? i don’t know who i got it from, and i don’t know who i’ve given it to, and i regret so much now that i didn’t always use a condom. i feel disgusting and sad and ashamed and like no one is going to love me because of this. well, at least, that’s how i used to feel. i’m learning that even though it’s never going to go away, it’s manageable. and it must’ve happened to me for a reason. and anyone worth actually being with isn’t going to get hung up on this facet of my life.

i guess my point here is that there IS life after getting a negative diagnosis. it isn’t actually the end of the world, even though it may feel like it.